Confidence. A strong word that can be misused and confused with cockiness. I’ve always thought of myself as a confident female. Some days more than others, and if we’re being completely honest here, it can even depend on the hours of the day! But recently I had an “awakening.” Such a dramatic term, but in that experience, I realized I had lost every ounce of confidence in myself, even though many who know me wouldn’t believe it.
Yes, I stopped feeling attractive in a sense, but more importantly, I lost confidence in who I was… Ouch. Is that too real right now? Well, I did. I lost myself over time because I tried to be something I wasn’t and when things came crashing down, I looked in the mirror wondering, “Who are you? What do you stand for? Do you remember?”
I spent so much time creating and convincing myself that I needed to change for someone else’s approval. Don’t get me wrong. I am the queen of preaching that CHANGE is needed to grow. True growth comes while being uncomfortable. But you have to want to change FOR YOURSELF, not someone else. It’s something that has taken me some time. I had to be really honest with myself and pick out what I changed for me versus what I tried to change to make society accept me; to make the people I cared about accept me.
Now I’m in a different point of my life. Once I asked myself those questions, I realized that I wasn’t confident at all. For some time, I based my confidence on whether people I valued approved of me or not. Some of those people were family; others were people I cared about. But, in the end I was never happy. It was never enough for them or for myself. Why? Because I was not being true to MYSELF. What was I thinking? That I could try to “act” confident? You can’t “act” confident. You actually have to be confident in who and what you are. When I figured this out, things changed.
I said bye to everything that I felt locked into. I embarked in the journey of truly and fully becoming ME. Parts of me that were hidden surfaced, and others were discovered, evolved, and changed. I’m so happy to say I feel like I’m finally ME 100%. You’ll either like me or you won’t, but I will still be kind, loving, friendly and enjoy every day that life gives me. I’m back to writing and to sharing everything I have to give with you guys. This is my open book, and I’ve always said I will not be intimated to answer any of your questions. I will be who I am. I love hearing about people’s journey and I hope different parts of my own journey will help you.
I’ll end this post with this: As men and women, we will constantly evolve. If you ever lose yourself, it’s okay. You don’t always have to be perfect or know it all. The journey to finding yourself again will be so beautiful and a time of growth. Just like I was able to learn so much about myself and evolve, you will too. Have confidence in who you are, what you are, and what you bring to the table, because every one of us is a true gem. xo